[ The more Makoto talks about his life before coming here, the more worried Tenn gets about him. He can't imagine the kind of life Makoto's lived, one in which he didn't have any friends. Tenn may not know about anything he's done, but if he was able to forgive and feel guilt over Moriarty, Yor, C-ta, Lucifer...then...he's sure he can do that for Makoto, too. No matter what kinds of things he's done. Maybe it'll be hard to stomach, maybe it'll take him some time. Regardless, he can't see himself loathing one of the people who not only helped him stay afloat, but shouldered the burden with him on several occasions.
And with what Makoto's saying now, the way he tensed up at the mention of his past, those deep breaths -- Tenn believes him. Tenn believes in him. Someone told him to doubt everyone, and he has tried his damned hardest to do so.
But it's getting harder and harder to doubt Makoto, among others. And, with the situation being what it is, Tenn really doesn't think he can really condemn many, if anyone at all for their actions here. The traitors are probably going to be a different story. But for now, he can't see Makoto killing someone simply because he felt like it, and if he ever did, Tenn is sure he'd have a good reason for it. And that's just how much Tenn trusts him, even if it's been broken so many times.
He starts to calm down, lightly turning his head so his face isn't buried in Makoto's shirt anymore. He wipes at his eyes with his hands. ]
Well, that goes both ways. Maybe we both made a lot of mistakes, here and at home, but -- we're doing what we can now, and we're helping people.
[ He looks up at him, eyes red and puffy but determined all the same. ]
I have an offer for you. If -- no, when we all get out of here, there's a place for you in the year Riku and I are from. I know you don't know Riku well right now, but once I tell him how much you've done for me, he's going to be your friend for life. You don't have to go back to a place where you have no one, Makoto.
After all of this, you deserve more than that, and I'm going to give that to you.
[ Makoto doesn't think he'll ever be able to form the words to admit the worst of his sins to someone like Tenn. Which makes Tenn's offer all the more bittersweet, unfair on so many levels. Friendship, as much as Makoto seeks it, can be such a tenuous, circumstantial thing. Sometimes, you have to look out for your friends at your own expense.
It takes him a moment to respond, to finally look over at Tenn with eyes just as red and puffy. Tears are still drying on his cheeks, but he can't find the energy to wipe at them. A genuine smile blooms, happy that Tenn would think of him outside of this place. For a moment, the optimistic vision sweeps him up --a world where they both get out of this, maybe one where Makoto didn't make so many mistakes in his life beforehand.
Makoto wants nothing more in the world than to tell Tenn that he'll meet them both after this, that they'll be friends back home for the rest of their lives. He wants to tell him that he wishes they could've met before all of this. But there isn't a point in his life that it would be good for Tenn or Riku to be involved. What would they say about idols being friends with a shatei-gashira? Or when he was a two-bit scammer that barely finished high school? The son of a human trafficker? No, he couldn't ask them to do that. It could even be dangerous for them, and he'd never live with himself with more of his friends' blood on his hands.
It almost hurts more than seeing Tenn cry. At the end of the day, they belonged to different worlds within the same country before and Makoto can't ask Tenn to shatter his dreams, lose fans, just to be his friend. He had no home except with the Director, the only place he'd ever been successful. Even if he wanted to, he probably couldn't quit.
Holding on to the feeling gained from imagining a fantasy world where they all live happily after keeps his expression from betraying him. And he won't lie to Tenn either if he can help it. His voice drifts, like it's more of a pleasant dream than reality. ]
You really mean it, don't you? ...But, I'd really like that. I'd get to see both of you perform with your groups. And maybe you'll finally get to ride a camel.
[ And then just like that, he laughs quietly. He pulls away from Makoto in favor of putting a hand on his shoulder, giving them some space to breathe after they've both had yet another very good cry. Tenn is still very distraught over Moriarty, but talking about a happy, hypothetical future that may not even happen is enough to keep his spirits a little lifted.
Tenn isn't naive enough to believe that there could ever be a version of himself that isn't scarred by what's happened here. He doesn't think he can ever be the "people's angel" that they expect him to be, because the face he'll be showing his fans will feel more real, yet somehow more hollow. He's changed from being here in good and bad ways. He's improved himself, he feels more equipped to handle challenges back at home. However, his trust in others feels so much more fragile than it used to be, and a part of him will always be worried that Gaku and Ryuu will find out the mistakes he's made here and won't want anything to do with him anymore.
With that, though, even though Tenn can never be the Kujo Tenn he was before, he can be the person he is now. Damaged, but stronger; skeptical, but honest. ... Yeah. Being honest is something he'll try to do more often, because it feels good. And the person he is now is someone Makoto seems to accept. He's very, very glad for that. ]
Well. If you do decide to go back with us, then let me know. There'll be plenty of performances from Riku and I for you to watch. And I'll make sure to find a camel to ride on, someday, in your honor.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
i am wheezing forever over these two
And with what Makoto's saying now, the way he tensed up at the mention of his past, those deep breaths -- Tenn believes him. Tenn believes in him. Someone told him to doubt everyone, and he has tried his damned hardest to do so.
But it's getting harder and harder to doubt Makoto, among others. And, with the situation being what it is, Tenn really doesn't think he can really condemn many, if anyone at all for their actions here. The traitors are probably going to be a different story. But for now, he can't see Makoto killing someone simply because he felt like it, and if he ever did, Tenn is sure he'd have a good reason for it. And that's just how much Tenn trusts him, even if it's been broken so many times.
He starts to calm down, lightly turning his head so his face isn't buried in Makoto's shirt anymore. He wipes at his eyes with his hands. ]
Well, that goes both ways. Maybe we both made a lot of mistakes, here and at home, but -- we're doing what we can now, and we're helping people.
[ He looks up at him, eyes red and puffy but determined all the same. ]
I have an offer for you. If -- no, when we all get out of here, there's a place for you in the year Riku and I are from. I know you don't know Riku well right now, but once I tell him how much you've done for me, he's going to be your friend for life. You don't have to go back to a place where you have no one, Makoto.
After all of this, you deserve more than that, and I'm going to give that to you.
right ?? ughh
It takes him a moment to respond, to finally look over at Tenn with eyes just as red and puffy. Tears are still drying on his cheeks, but he can't find the energy to wipe at them. A genuine smile blooms, happy that Tenn would think of him outside of this place. For a moment, the optimistic vision sweeps him up --a world where they both get out of this, maybe one where Makoto didn't make so many mistakes in his life beforehand.
Makoto wants nothing more in the world than to tell Tenn that he'll meet them both after this, that they'll be friends back home for the rest of their lives. He wants to tell him that he wishes they could've met before all of this. But there isn't a point in his life that it would be good for Tenn or Riku to be involved. What would they say about idols being friends with a shatei-gashira? Or when he was a two-bit scammer that barely finished high school? The son of a human trafficker? No, he couldn't ask them to do that. It could even be dangerous for them, and he'd never live with himself with more of his friends' blood on his hands.
It almost hurts more than seeing Tenn cry. At the end of the day, they belonged to different worlds within the same country before and Makoto can't ask Tenn to shatter his dreams, lose fans, just to be his friend. He had no home except with the Director, the only place he'd ever been successful. Even if he wanted to, he probably couldn't quit.
Holding on to the feeling gained from imagining a fantasy world where they all live happily after keeps his expression from betraying him. And he won't lie to Tenn either if he can help it. His voice drifts, like it's more of a pleasant dream than reality. ]
You really mean it, don't you? ...But, I'd really like that. I'd get to see both of you perform with your groups. And maybe you'll finally get to ride a camel.
1/2
Why wouldn't I mean it? Does this look like the face of someone who's joking around?
2/2
Tenn isn't naive enough to believe that there could ever be a version of himself that isn't scarred by what's happened here. He doesn't think he can ever be the "people's angel" that they expect him to be, because the face he'll be showing his fans will feel more real, yet somehow more hollow. He's changed from being here in good and bad ways. He's improved himself, he feels more equipped to handle challenges back at home. However, his trust in others feels so much more fragile than it used to be, and a part of him will always be worried that Gaku and Ryuu will find out the mistakes he's made here and won't want anything to do with him anymore.
With that, though, even though Tenn can never be the Kujo Tenn he was before, he can be the person he is now. Damaged, but stronger; skeptical, but honest. ... Yeah. Being honest is something he'll try to do more often, because it feels good. And the person he is now is someone Makoto seems to accept. He's very, very glad for that. ]
Well. If you do decide to go back with us, then let me know. There'll be plenty of performances from Riku and I for you to watch. And I'll make sure to find a camel to ride on, someday, in your honor.